Ladies, how many of you are single (no wedding
band) yet already have your wedding planned out down to the last flower petal? If you’re already married, did you have it all planned out before that boy even got down on one knee?
If I’m being honest, I was one of those girls. I knew what kind of dress I wanted before I even had a ring on my right hand. Heck, my husband and I had the venue picked out before he even asked me to be his wife. There were some moments, I believed that by getting married, I would be complete. But now my heart hurts for those girls. They are being deceived. If your biggest desire is to plan a wedding and have a husband, please listen to my heart in this. This is just for you, friend…
Be strong and confident, all you who wait on the Lord! -Psalm 31:24
I met my husband a year ago and we have been married for almost four months now. I love him with all of my heart and I know that God placed us together. Before getting married, I always dreamed to be married. I always wanted to be a housewife, cook my man delicious meals, and have tons of kids. There is God-glorifying purpose in that. But, the desire to be married actually becomes sinful when I think that being a wife and having a husband would be enough for me.
Women have been deceived into thinking that that as soon as you spend 5,000 dollars (if you’re lucky) on a wedding that lasts two hours (if you’re lucky) and say “I Do”, you will live happily ever after as if husband are our savior and everything in our lives after that moment will be bliss and we will never have to figure anything out again because, “hey, I have a husband.” I mean, have you seen everyone’s pinterest boards? Girls’ identities are being shaped by whether or not they are engaged yet.
My husband is my best friend and my better other-half, I love him more every day and it is only by God’s grace that we are together but he cannot fill the God-shaped hole in my heart. No man on earth can deliver hope like that. That’s not what men were made to do. My husband’s responsibility is to lead me not save me!
Our wedding day was an amazing day but it didn’t complete me. After saying I do, the key to the universe wasn’t placed in my hand. I may sound crazy but I know that there are women, young and old, idolizing marriage as if it takes away all of life’s problems. Society teaches that and I am afraid that even Christians are teaching that.
Before you stop reading, hear me out. I believe whole-heartedly that the role of a husband and wife has great purpose and is a huge part in God’s story. Of course! God created marriage and it is good. He created woman with special qualities to be helpers.
My point- our purpose in life is to glorify God, not to be married.
Yes, marriage glorifies God completely but it is not the one and only way to do so. And just because it glorifies God doesn’t mean the next guy you met is to be your future husband and that God will be fully pleased and done working in your life. There is life still after marriage. And I, along with other Christ-following wives, will be the first to tell you that you will still struggle with sin, have days of loneliness, get mad and upset, and still need help from God. Life won’t get any easier. Our husbands fail too! They need God; they cannot be our idols.
It hurts my heart to hear of ladies who put their life on hold to search for Mr. Right so that their heart will be whole. It doesn’t happen like that. My heart hurts for the Christian ladies who sit on pinterest day in and day out, pinning their lives away while doing not one glorifying thing for God. Their lives are wrapped up in the wedding date. This doesn’t glorify God.
We were made for God’s glory and to glorify Him. If you are single and reading this, throw away the lie right now that finding a husband will make you happy forever and you’ll live in a bed of flowers and sunshine for the rest of your days. The devil wants you to drown in your wedding pins, not giving one care for God and His Kingdom.
We have put marriage in the place of God. Girls all over the world are believing the lie that their one-day-husband will ride in on a white horse and save them from all the world’s peril. I will be the first to step up and say that this needs to end. It needs to end in the churches and in society. I don’t want to see another girl get married unless her hope and identity is found in Christ alone. There will be so much hurt she will be able to bypass by knowing that her identity and hope is not in her husband. I know this won’t happen overnight and it might not happen at all but maybe by writing this, one girl has realized that she has been believing the lie and has decided to put her trust and hope and identity and purpose in JESUS. That one girl would be worth it!
If I am hurting, my husband can comfort me (he does a great job at it!) but only God can take away the pain. If I am lonely, my husband will be there for me but he cannot heal me. He is there by my side to point me to God not to be my mini-god, whom I can depend for my every breath. There is life after marriage. It’s hard and messy. And if you’re not ready to give your heart up to your God then how can you give your heart to another man in marriage?
Beloved, God has an awesome plan for you. One day you probably will be married and it’s an amazing thing. But until God brings that guy into your life who will lead you and love you as Christ does the church, focus on the things of God, not the things of this world! Spend this season of singleness in thanksgiving and dedicate this time to The Lord and to all the adventures and amazing things He has planned for you. Don’t waste it on ‘pins’ that don’t provide purpose.
“Those who worship worthless idols forfeit the mercy that could be theirs.
But as for me, I promise to offer a sacrifice to you with a public declaration of praise; I will surely do what I have promised. Salvation belongs to the Lord!”