Testimony Tuesday: When God Speaks

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Testimony Tuesday is here again! I am so honored to share today’s testimony with you all. This life story truly is an example of the amazing grace of God. He has a purpose for each of us, no matter how far we think we have fallen. He is a God of mercy, grace, and love… 

“Ok so here it goes….

For the most part you could say that I have always believed in God, in Jesus Christ

and so the story goes. Sure there were periods were I was all peace love and flower-

power and I believed that maybe it was all just al lie, a gimmick, that we all came from

the earth that which we must return. Or maybe it was that I did not really want to adhere

to all the rules Christians had carved out for me, or that somewhere along the line I was

judged so badly by them that I did not want any part of being associated to them. Or

perhaps the real problem was I never knew Jesus and had never taken the time to seek

him out, know his real attributes, his love, his grace, his justice. Whatever the case that

was a short history of where I was. (Very Short)

The truth is, I was and have always been a very insecure person and I would be lying if I

told you I did not still struggle with it from time to time. In the past I had spent most of

my time trying to fill myself up with different things: relationships, sex, drugs, alcohol,

you name it, sadly, I probably tried to use it. I led a very volatile lifestyle. I got pregnant

in high school, got addicted to partying, lost custody of my son ( which I later regained)

which led to depression and cutting myself for years until I finally tried to kill myself. Got

pregnant again and decided to abort that wonderful gift God had given me, to later

struggle with infertility issues. (another story) The point is I was trying just about

anything to make happy and ending up in the same place every time. EMPTY.

Later a met a man who started to change my life and we got married, surely this would

be it. The happiness I have been waiting for, right? Wrong. The next step was to

obviously have children. I wanted them badly, I agonized over them am was sure I was

unable to have them due to the past life I had chosen to live. Finally God blessed us

with another child, a daughter. Happiness must wait right around the crib, NO, BIG NO!

I believe this is what The Lord choose to bring me closer to him. I hung in there by

the hair on my chinny chin chin…. (literally because now I grow one there, WOW) for

about one year and was just dead inside. I was sucked dry of any and all life,

constantly giving myself to other people, my kids my husband. I was completely

isolated from adults because I was fortunate enough to get to stay at home but it was

wearing me down, it was an adjustment indeed. Finally I snapped and said “NO MORE, I

am going to make myself happy” and the rest of you can figure it out. I decided I was

going to get a divorce, I was starting to hide money, and save so I could take my kids

and start something new for us. I went back to work. I started going out with my girl

friends all the time, drinking a lot, disrespecting my husband and doing WHATEVER

made ME happy because I was only focusing on myself. ( All the while still insecure

might I add.) This behavior went on for months and I was spiraling out of control fast.

This went on for several months until one day I was driving into work listening to a

song by Ryan Adams called “Oh My Sweet Carolina”, it’s talking about someone going

around the world trying to fulfill themselves with different things but ending up with

pockets full of dust. The Lord overwhelmed me at an instant. I knew He was speaking

to me through this song. Please listen to it, PLEASE. I pulled my car to the side of the

road crying, begging for forgiveness, asking him to change me. The beautiful thing is

He DID. It is and has been a slow process. One where I sin and get knocked down a

lot, daily. I am starting to get to know Him though and He is always there to hold His

hand out to me and pick me up. When He feels far away it’s because I am far away, I

feel full of sin like I am not excepted, like I am not worthy to bring myself to him.

Honestly I am not, but in His eyes I am. He wants me, he loves me, I am HIS CHILD.

He is teaching me like I am teaching my 3 kids now.

Refinement is hard; it’s not easy

but its worth it to know Him, to call at His name and feel the peace He brings you. To

call Him your Lord and Savior. No word can compare to the beauty of The Lord. His

blood has covered me and I am forever grateful.

Here is a verse I fell in love with shortly after my veil was removed.”

1 Timothy 1: 15-18

“Here is a trust worthy saying that deserves full expectancy: Christ Jesus came into the 

world to save sinners OF WHOM I AM THE WORST. But for that reason I was shown 

mercy, so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense 

patience as an example of those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now 

to the king eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and 

ever. Amen.”

Yes, God wants you and He is wooing you back to His side, into His loving arms. Don’t resist Him. Bow at His feet. Accept His gift of grace. This one woman’s life shows us that no matter how messy our lives seem to be, they are incredible of His love offered to us through Jesus. I am praying that God uses this testimony to convict and encourage you today. Be blessed!

-Katie

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