Testimony Tuesday is here again! I am so honored to share today’s testimony with you all. This life story truly is an example of the amazing grace of God. He has a purpose for each of us, no matter how far we think we have fallen. He is a God of mercy, grace, and love…
“Ok so here it goes….
For the most part you could say that I have always believed in God, in Jesus Christ
and so the story goes. Sure there were periods were I was all peace love and ﬂower-
power and I believed that maybe it was all just al lie, a gimmick, that we all came from
the earth that which we must return. Or maybe it was that I did not really want to adhere
to all the rules Christians had carved out for me, or that somewhere along the line I was
judged so badly by them that I did not want any part of being associated to them. Or
perhaps the real problem was I never knew Jesus and had never taken the time to seek
him out, know his real attributes, his love, his grace, his justice. Whatever the case that
was a short history of where I was. (Very Short)
The truth is, I was and have always been a very insecure person and I would be lying if I
told you I did not still struggle with it from time to time. In the past I had spent most of
my time trying to ﬁll myself up with different things: relationships, sex, drugs, alcohol,
you name it, sadly, I probably tried to use it. I led a very volatile lifestyle. I got pregnant
in high school, got addicted to partying, lost custody of my son ( which I later regained)
which led to depression and cutting myself for years until I ﬁnally tried to kill myself. Got
pregnant again and decided to abort that wonderful gift God had given me, to later
struggle with infertility issues. (another story) The point is I was trying just about
anything to make happy and ending up in the same place every time. EMPTY.
Later a met a man who started to change my life and we got married, surely this would
be it. The happiness I have been waiting for, right? Wrong. The next step was to
obviously have children. I wanted them badly, I agonized over them am was sure I was
unable to have them due to the past life I had chosen to live. Finally God blessed us
with another child, a daughter. Happiness must wait right around the crib, NO, BIG NO!
I believe this is what The Lord choose to bring me closer to him. I hung in there by
the hair on my chinny chin chin…. (literally because now I grow one there, WOW) for
about one year and was just dead inside. I was sucked dry of any and all life,
constantly giving myself to other people, my kids my husband. I was completely
isolated from adults because I was fortunate enough to get to stay at home but it was
wearing me down, it was an adjustment indeed. Finally I snapped and said “NO MORE, I
am going to make myself happy” and the rest of you can figure it out. I decided I was
going to get a divorce, I was starting to hide money, and save so I could take my kids
and start something new for us. I went back to work. I started going out with my girl
friends all the time, drinking a lot, disrespecting my husband and doing WHATEVER
made ME happy because I was only focusing on myself. ( All the while still insecure
might I add.) This behavior went on for months and I was spiraling out of control fast.
This went on for several months until one day I was driving into work listening to a
song by Ryan Adams called “Oh My Sweet Carolina”, it’s talking about someone going
around the world trying to fulfill themselves with different things but ending up with
pockets full of dust. The Lord overwhelmed me at an instant. I knew He was speaking
to me through this song. Please listen to it, PLEASE. I pulled my car to the side of the
road crying, begging for forgiveness, asking him to change me. The beautiful thing is
He DID. It is and has been a slow process. One where I sin and get knocked down a
lot, daily. I am starting to get to know Him though and He is always there to hold His
hand out to me and pick me up. When He feels far away it’s because I am far away, I
feel full of sin like I am not excepted, like I am not worthy to bring myself to him.
Honestly I am not, but in His eyes I am. He wants me, he loves me, I am HIS CHILD.
He is teaching me like I am teaching my 3 kids now.
Refinement is hard; it’s not easy
but its worth it to know Him, to call at His name and feel the peace He brings you. To
call Him your Lord and Savior. No word can compare to the beauty of The Lord. His
blood has covered me and I am forever grateful.
Here is a verse I fell in love with shortly after my veil was removed.”
1 Timothy 1: 15-18
“Here is a trust worthy saying that deserves full expectancy: Christ Jesus came into the
world to save sinners OF WHOM I AM THE WORST. But for that reason I was shown
mercy, so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense
patience as an example of those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now
to the king eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and
Yes, God wants you and He is wooing you back to His side, into His loving arms. Don’t resist Him. Bow at His feet. Accept His gift of grace. This one woman’s life shows us that no matter how messy our lives seem to be, they are incredible of His love offered to us through Jesus. I am praying that God uses this testimony to convict and encourage you today. Be blessed!