marriage: selflessness & selfishness // community brew


“When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.” -D. Bonhoeffer

Today, I’m linking up with some sweet blogging girls through Community Brew. This week’s topic is marriage & what the Lord is teaching me in our marriage. It’s totally fitting seeing that our one year anniversary is creeping up! {just 4 days away}

God has molded me in many ways through this sanctification process called marriage. But the one thing that has stuck out to me in this first year that my husband and I have been joined together has been the selflessness of marriage.

I have seen numerous selfless acts done through my husband for me. I have watched his heart mold into looking more like Christ’s. I have been hurt, joyful, confused, blissful, angry, & molded myself. So many things happen when we choose to be selfless or choose not to be selfless.

When I intentionally choose to be selfless, through the power of Jesus in me, my husband and I grow closer together, intimately & more known.

When I choose to be stubborn, rude, quick to speak, & quick to be angry, that is causing a riff between the intimacy my husband and I could experience. My actions do that. Me.

The same happens when my husband chooses his ways over mine, or ours. It happens to all of us because all of us are sinful.

It’s so unnatural to put someone first. Yet, marriage requires us to put our spouse in front of our own self.

Just as Christ bids man to come and die in order to follow Him, we must come & die to our selfish desires in our marriages so that we may flourish & grow, together and with God.

It takes power & strength, boldness & love to intentionally, selflessly, put to death my selfishness & walk in the selflessness that Christ calls me to.

When my husband wants something that I do not want, I must choose selflessness.

When my husband has been feeling unloved & I just want to go to sleep, I must die to my selfishness & choose selflessness.

When I don’t want to get up in the morning to make my beloved husband breakfast, I must put aside my selfish desires & choose to walk in selflessness.

Even when my husband is being selfish & I have the prime opportunity to be selfish right back, I must stop & intentionally choose Jesus’s way, selflessness.

How do we choose selflessness?

With God’s help, Jesus’ power ALONE. I, Katie, cannot be selfless without the help of the Father. Without His strength, His Holy Spirit working through me, I will choose selfishness time & time again.

We must walk & talk with God daily in order to walk & talk the way of selflessness.

It is by His strength & graciousness to us that we will live selflessly in our marriages, in our lives.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not lean on your own understand;

in all your ways acknowledge Him

and He will make your paths straight.”

Proverbs 3:5-6

You are loved





8 thoughts on “marriage: selflessness & selfishness // community brew

  1. This is beautiful! I love how you addressed that selflessness is required, but selfishness in what we tend towards. Selfishness is first instinct and it takes self control and love to be selfless!

    • You are too sweet!! That’s so true. I love how Jesus has been teaching me this because it requires me to completely rely on Him. Ya know? And that’s such a beautiful thing. Thanks so much for reading, friend 🙂 come back!!



  2. Happy almost-anniversary to you two! And yes, marriage is a continuous experiment in choosing whether to be selfless or selfish–it’s very good for our characters to learn to consistently make that right choice!

  3. I love these thoughts, sweet friend! It’s so true that thinking of someone else first is unnatural. I love the picture we get that with Jesus we do things that are just weird to the outside world, but that’s what makes our faith stand out and cause curiosity within people! I love how beautifully you compared marriage to our relationship with the Lord!

    • Yes, you’re so right! That reminds me of 1 peter 2:12, “keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.” 🙂

      Thank you! Marriage has definitely been a hard but amazing learning process with much grace and a lot of time on our knees in prayer but isn’t that just like our walk with Christ? 🙂 blessings, girl!!


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