When You’re Still Afraid of the Dark…

“The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1

When I was a kid, I remember lying in bed at night scared to death. I absolutely hated being by myself at night and I was terrified of what lurked in the darkness. I was so scared of the dark that I would even wear my glasses to bed just in case I had to get up and go to the bathroom or fight one of those monsters and I did this until I was at least twelve years old. Even though I was so afraid of the dark, I knew that God was bigger. I knew that He was the Protector of all things, my fragile, young self included. So I would pray. “Please God, send your biggest, strongest, and most fat angels into my room to protect me. Put them in the doorways so that nothing can come in to get me. Please God, send them, send them.” I prayed that prayer at least five times a night and I envisioned them floating down and standing in my doorway, eight feet tall and six feet wide. Nothing could get to me. And then, my eyes closed and my mind drifted off to sleep. I was safe.

Last night, after watching one too many episodes of Prison Break with my husband, I was lying in bed a little scared to be honest. Anyone who really truly knows me, knows that I’m a pretty sensitive person. I can’t watch disturbing or creepy things and I would rather watch rated G or PG movies over a rated R classic any day. I believe that God has made me like this for a reason and I embrace my sensitivity. Last night as I was lying there, hoping no one would sneak into our room, I thought about all of those nights when I would ask God in complete faith to send my big angel friends to protect me and how He would, every time. I didn’t doubt for a minute that He wouldn’t hear my voice or answer my plea for help.

So why do doubt Him now? When darkness surrounds me in this life and I feel like I’ll never make it out alive, I break under the pressure of fear and doubt. But, in reality, God isn’t any different from when I was a scared young girl, lying in my bed at night. He hasn’t changed or gotten any tougher on me. He isn’t far away or too busy to answer my cries for help when the pressures of this world and it’s evils are surrounding me.

I often wish that I could just believe without doubting so that God would work on my behalf. But is that really how our Heavenly Father works? No. God knows our frailty and our weakness. When I was that scared little girl, He knew that I was afraid of the dark and He protected me from it because He loves me, not because I did something right or was righteous enough for Him.

 He was simply protecting His child.  

Oh, how I long for childlike faith. I long for it but it’s in my reach and it’s in your reach. Heaven really isn’t far away. All I have to do is trust Him as the protective Father that He is. I don’t have to be good enough or say the correct words in my prayers. And even if I get a little too scared in the middle of my cries for help, He isn’t going to call the search party off.

God loves us. He cares for us. We are His children. He is willing to save us at any time of the day. He is able to save us from drowning in fear and doubt and sin and pride. He is able to turn our broken hearts into whole, thriving ones. He is able to heal our diseases and heal our hurts. He is able to pull us out of the pit of anger and jealousy. He is able. He doesn’t save us because He thinks we earned it. All we have to do is cry out to Him for help, know that He is watching, listening, and will come to our rescue, and trust Him. We must come to Him in child-like faith—- Sincere, pure, and bold faith.

We tend to over-think things as adults. We somehow believe that if we were only good enough or smart enough or brave enough, God will pay us attention. But it’s when we are at our weakest, our most vulnerable, at our most human and low state, He makes us new… because He is madly in love with His people. And He is just waiting to burst forth through the dark to save us.

“Arise, shine, for your light has come,
    and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.
See, darkness covers the earth
    and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the Lord rises upon you
    and his glory appears over you.
Nations will come to your light,
    and kings to the brightness of your dawn.” Isaiah 60:1-3

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In what area of your life do you need to humbly come before God in childlike faith?

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In His light, we see light…

-Katie

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